Smashy Claw | Experimental Nerd Rock

Smashy Claw in Spammin’ It Up! 2 – Revenge of the Spam – 5/9/2015

Sent out to the SC mailing list on May 9, 2015. To receive updates from us, subscribe now.

Hello, neglected masses!

Welcome to another sporadic adventure in the topsy-turvy world of Smashy Claw-related news items! It’s been like a year… sorry about that. Hopefully we can all get over this period of callous negligence and enjoy some good ol’ fashioned shilling. Ready? Okay!

HEADLINES:

Stuff That Happened in the Last Year
Seriously, sorry for the stupidly long absence.

Two New Videos!
My Almost Me – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I6Woukt9x8
Jar of Worms – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aPWwuFIBbk

– FuMPfest 2015
We have a show next month in freaking IL! Wow!
http://www.smashyclaw.com/shows

– FAWM 2015
Jesus, there’s a new FAWM?! We have been gone awhile.
http://music.smashyclaw.com/album/fawm-2015

– Monthly MP3: Flying (Demo)
A new track from the new FAWM. New!
http://tinyurl.com/scmm-may15

– F#$@ed Up Horoscope

Nathan Long Gets a Word in Edgewise

Guy: “I have missed your rambling introductions so, good sir.”
Austin: “I’m unsure of the sincerity of that statement.”

Stuff That Happened in the Last Year
So, it’s been awhile since we sent out one of these. There are tons of reasons (Austin finishing college, Nathan working a lot, the ravenous alien apocalypse that the band heroically everted single-handedly but was swiftly covered up by the government), but no one likes excuses. The main one is that we just haven’t been doing much we can talk about publicly yet. It suffices to say that we’re working on something that we think will be really cool, and you’ll know about it right here, as soon as it’s ready to be announced. Thanks for sticking around, you lovable bunch of weirdos!

Two New Videos!
Holy crap, that’s right! At the end of last year we totally released two new music videos for songs from our (increasingly older) Former Spine album. Both of which were debuted on Albino Blacksheep, as has become a tradition. So please, go check out the nifty stop motion King Kong tribute Jar of Worms (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aPWwuFIBbk) and the animated plight of the faceless My Almost Me (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I6Woukt9x8).

FuMPfest 2015
In just a little less than a month, the gang will heading up (or… down?) to Chicago for a show at the second annual funny music festival, FuMPfest, a thing put on by the dudes over at the Funny Music Project (FuMP). Us Claw lads will be performing a full hour of our more comedic tunes on Sunday June 7th at 11:00 AM. You can buy passes for the whole weekend at http://www.fumpfest.com, details as always are at http://www.smashyclaw.com/shows. Be there or… I don’t know, engage in less laughter than you would otherwise have that weekend, I guess.

FAWM 2015
Another year, another FAWM (February Album Writing Month). Austin once again managed to complete the ridiculous challenge of writing 14 songs in February this year. You can check out the results of this bloody struggle for forced creativity at http://music.smashyclaw.com/album/fawm-2015. Go ahead and download these demos for free while they’re available!

Monthly MP3: Flying
This month’s audio offering is a selection from the aforementioned FAWM 2015 tracks. This one’s a bit of a departure for us, being that it has such a sparse arrangement and contains very few lyrics. We’re pretty excited about it.
Download link: http://tinyurl.com/scmm-may15

F#$@ed Up Horoscope
You insert your meager tokens into the public transportation vehicle’s currency dispensary and enter into the claustrophobic enclosure. There seems to be a mass of onlookers as you journey down the aisle looking for an empty pair of seats to find some sense of privacy within. Alas, you settle for the least offensive stranger to sit next to after passing an ocean of gross troglodytes. The annoyed woman you have chosen reluctantly moves her belongings from your desired area and you lower yourself into the uncomfortable position beside her. An hour vanishes behind you like so many miles of road as the bus makes its journey toward its destination. You’ve had bad allergies all week and reach in your pocket to find you’ve misplaced your tissues. You want to ask the lady if she might have any but are nervous to irritate her any further. After a few minutes of tension, you gently inquire if she might have any spare snot-wiping devises. She doesn’t respond. After a few awkward seconds you ask again. Once more, no answer. Becoming a bit perturbed, you reach over to tap her on the shoulder, but your fingers fall right through her body. Beginning to worry, you swish your hand around her person only to find there’s nothing there. You get up from your seat and begin running around the aisle desperately flailing your arms, looking for something to grasp. To your dread, all the passengers are illusionary holograms. Suddenly the vehicle begins to shift around. From outside people see a seemingly normal bus transform into a seven-story-tall robot monster. Blood pools at its feet as your crushed body hangs lifelessly inside. You probably should’ve taken the 6:30, dude.

Nathan Long Gets a Word in Edgewise
 “The idea to start selling live parakeets at Target was a complete failure. They were flying off the shelves. – Nathan Long

See ya next year!
-Austin

Geek Music Podcast Interview

The lovely Chad Walker of Fandomania interviews us this week on Episode 3 of their Geek Music Podcast. During the Q&A we talk about Batman, Iron-Man, Breaking Bad, They Might Be Giants and what this ol’ band is up to these days. CH-CHECK IT OUT.

MET Report Interview

This past Tuesday, Denver Metro University’s MET Report chatted with me after my solo show at the University of Colorado Denver. More performance videos from the gig are forthcoming. For now, check out the featurette below!

Fandomania Reviews Former Spine!

There’s a new, lovely review of Former Spine available at the geek media website Fandomania. In it, we’re compared favorably to our heroes, some perceptive thoughts are shared on the songs, and all was right with the world, amen. Also included in this article: a review of the record released by our buddies over at Nuclear Bubble Wrap. So, by all means, CHECK IT OUT!

EDIT: We also were given an honorable mention (and retroactive placement in the previous year’s list) in their ‘Best Nerdy Music of 2014′ list. CHECK THAT OUT TOO!

Top 5 Noble Gases of 2014!

That’s right! We narrowed down the list (cause we’re an authority on things apparently) to bring you our favorite odorless mono-atomic gases of the year! So, here’s a countdown of the hottest (figuratively speaking) damn noble gases of 2014, y’all!

5. Helium (He)

One time I sucked in some helium when I was tripping balls. I laughed so hard at how dumb my voice sounded that I thought I was gonna die! Then the rest of the trip really sucked cause I was freaked out that I thought I was gonna die. Mixed emotions, man.

4. Argon (Ar)

That Ben Affleck movie that came out a couple years ago with the Breaking Bad dude was okay, I guess.

3. Radon (Rn)

It has the word ‘rad’ in the freaking title, dog! Also, it sounds like you’re saying ‘right on!’ with a southern accent. Either way, this one’s a winner!

2. Neon (Ne)

Who doesn’t love those shiny lights that they hang outside of obnoxious bars? No respectable home-bro of mine, certainly! Oh, and Neo was that dude from The Matrix too, right? Coooool.

1. Krypton (Kr)

I mean, come on. You gotta show mad love for Supes’s home planet, right?

Honorable mentions: Xenon (Xe). Sorry, bro. Ya snooze, ya lose, yo!